I remember the days and nights we cuddle in bed.
I remember the times you would look me in the eyes and say “I love you”. I remember how you look at me, and your eyes sparkle. I remember how you held my hand and kiss it while you smile.
I feel like this is all just a bad dream. I want to believe that this is just a dream and when I wake up, you’re here next to me, and still the same person who I fell in love with.
It’s been three days, and it breaks my heart to see how we are now.
We sleep with our backs facing each other. You don’t look me in the eyes anymore. You just walk away and don’t stop to say hi. The worst part is – you don’t say you love me anymore.
I know we’ve been through tough times before, and we always made it through. I always believe that we will make it, that we will grow old together. We went through it all together as a team. And we can still and always will get through anything together. We used to solve problems and not give silent treatment until the issue goes away or one of us gives up.
They say “home is not where you are from. It is where you belong. Some of us travel the whole world to find it. Others, find it in a person”.
You are my home.
I went to church yesterday, and I held my tears when the priest said “in life, we sometimes take for granted what we have – instead of seeing what we have, we focus on what we don’t have”.
Maybe I pushed you too hard. Maybe you thought I didn’t like this part of my life. Maybe you thought I didn’t care or love you like I always say I do.
But I do.
I am grateful every day that I get to wake up in this house, with my home, my family. I always thank God for giving me another day to live to be with you.
I don’t want to let go because I know deep down, the man who loves me is still there. I can still feel it even if you try not to show it by telling me you don’t anymore.
The first time you met me, you told me you saw right through me, that there’s something more inside of me… and you’re glad you picked it. My love, I could say the same thing. I can see right through you too.
Remember when you said I’m someone who would love to read every word you write, someone who would love to hear every note of your favorite song? Remember when I was there when you wanted to practice your presentation and had to time you cause you only have six-minutes to talk? I am still that person.
Remember when you wrote to me saying “I’m so lucky to have met someone who makes me so happy. Such an amazing, funny, sweet and loving person xoxo”?
Whenever I close my eyes, I remember those times we had. It’s what keeps me strong. It’s what makes me want to fight for this relationship. I have so much love to give, and you hold a place in my heart that no one can ever replace.
I’m at my lowest, and all I could do is pray. All I could do is close my eyes or stare in the oblivion and think of us – the real us, loving each other unconditionally, looking at each other silently, looking at every detail of your face and thinking how perfect you are and how lucky I am to have you in my life.
I love you because of who you are, and I would never want you to change anything about yourself. I love who you were when we first met. I love who you are right now, and I will love the person you will be as we grow old together.
I’m here, arms wide open, waiting for you to come back.
I want to wake up from this dream… I miss you so much.