September 2018

“I love you so much. You don’t have to worry, you’re the only one I love.”

There are so many times I want to call you, and see you. But that’s not possible. Sometimes I see you in my dreams, sometimes you send me signs that you’re here.

Even though you’re far away, I’m sure from up above, you can see how happy I am.

Every night, before I go to sleep, I look at him and say a little prayer. I thank God that I have this man in my life, and hope He will continue on nourishing our relationship and that we’ll overcome any obstacles we’ll face.

There are days when I just sit down and watch him and his family. It reminded me of what I once had, when you were still around… then, I thank God again for letting me be a part of this family. Seeing them happy together, reminds me of the times we had.

It’s been more than a year with him mom, and not a day goes by that I wish you’re here. I am sure you will love him, and even cook for him and you’ll force him to sing in the karaoke. I know you’re happy for me, for us. I can’t see it but I can feel it.

I love it when I talk about you sometimes – like it’s normal. It makes me feel like what happened years ago wasn’t a tragedy. It makes me relive the memories I have with you. Some may be fragmented but what I felt in those memories are still there.

They say life’s never fair. Sure, there are ups and downs, but life gave me you. You gave up everything for us, to have the best life, to not get separated at birth… You had and still have so much love to give, and you passed that on to me.

And now I have this much love to give to this man in my life and to our family.

Saturday night, before we went to bed, he whispered in my ear saying “I love you so much. You don’t have to worry, you’re the only one I want and love”.

He wrapped his arms around me, and we both fell asleep.

Mom, if I had an hour to talk to you, these are the things I want to say to you. I never thought I would love someone this much. And I know you never thought I would too. I want you to know that I am happy. And you don’t have to worry.

I guess you already know that because I don’t dream about you anymore telling me that everything will be okay.

If I had an hour, I would also tell you how much I miss you. And how much I wish that you’re here with us. I wish you’ll be here when I get engaged, when I get married and when I have my first child.

An hour would never be enough but seeing you and telling you all these things would make me genuinely happy.

 

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